Who knew that high school could be so dramatic?
It feels like I'm caught up in a storm, attracting other storms... everyone around me... all of their lives are crazy too - except for for Hannah's. It's like she's the eye of the storm :P Mind switching?? ;)
So far... 11th grade's been easier than 10th grade... but Pre-calc is going to be the death of me :P Math, math, math, why do you torture me so?? And Art is also kind of stressing me out :P Going over and over something really doesn't help whatever I'm working on, apparently :P
So for the drama. I think I've had enough to last me a life time. All these confusions..... doubts, wonderings, why's, frustration, depression, pessimism, and being cranky.... It seems to take up so much of my time. I know I wanted to stay, but I wanted to stay so bad I didn't realize what consequences that may bring. Because the longer time you have with people, the more time you have to make mistakes that will leave permanent scars. If I could look at the emotional picture of my heart right now, it'd probably turn up pretty horrendous. Bruises, scars, cuts. Holes that some people have left from stabbing me... over and over again. Not hearing me out when I begged them to, not realizing that I've always been here until I'm gone, now that the cycle's restarted, how I'm second in-line. Sometimes not knowing these things, feeling numb, living in an oblivious world is the best. Bliss. Kinda too late :P
I don't want to waste my time with certain people, but for right now..... I want to sleep. To not think. To be free from the real world for just a few hours..... maybe days... weeks? Why can't humans hibernate??
When I'm thinking about these things, I find myself hugging my head with my arms.... when I stand before God... just close my eyes in awe of Him, in how he can hold me together.... I look up and I can almost imagine God smiling serenely at me. This reminds me of "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood...
Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone.
Another new mom and dad,another school,
Another house that'll never be home.
When people ask him how he likes this place...
He looks up and says, with a smile upon his face,
"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."
Young mom on her own.
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go.
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out,
Because a half-way house will never be a home.
At night she whispers to her baby girl,
"Someday we'll find our place here in this world."
"This is our temporary home.
It's not where we belong.
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."
Old man, hospital bed,
The room is filled with people he loves.
And he whispers don't cry for me,
I'll see you all someday.
He looks up and says, "I can see God's face."
"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This was just a stop,on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know... this was
My temporary home."
This is our temporary home.
