up down up down up down.... up.
:]
Life is seriously like a rollercoaster. You have those really really long ups... tip over the edge and you go tumbling down in a spiral.... dizzy.... then life's normal... cruisin' along... drop.. go up again....
Way too crazy.
But life seems to be... almost perfect. My friends are all alive :] and we laugh about nigahiga vids and just.... it's all so perfect. I hate thinking of Christmas like this, but Christmas is like the half year mark for me... it's like... oh no... good bye's are coming up. Who will I have to say good bye to this year? So many stinkin' teachers are leaving... and many of my good friends.... ayh. I'm trying to be thankful... like the guy Mr. Meyer talked about - who was able to say "Thank you for my stomach cancer." To be able to say thank you to God.. for that to be my first reaction... *sigh* I really want to be like this bus it's so hard when everything I know seems to be slipping through my fingers... trying to hold on by squeezing the gaps shut only makes it all overflow and spill anyway.... I can't do anything about it... but watch it all slip away. Until I am empty and broken.... when I can turn only to God and say, "You are good."
11/14/2011
11/07/2011
Giving it all up.
content.......
but I knw it won't last.
That's the thing with my life... everytime I'm hvng the bst times in the wrld, i hv that sinking feeling tht it'll be ovr soon..... like standing on a beach... the sun's shining..... the sand's soft.... everything's perfect. but there's that wave in the distance... increasing in size, gaining speed. A tsunami.
I love how my life is right now.... my friends are close, Kalista's so happy again... Grace opens up to me as if I rly am her sister.... Hannah's able to express her real emotions to me.... Nashi and I cn talk in Turkish to each other nd laugh..... I hv awesome mama's.... gettin to knw more abt Saraaaa. Such awesome ppl in my life. My boyfriend makes me feel like i'm the only one he'll evr like.... holds me and nothing matters.
Such blessings in my life. Such happy happy happy chocolates :)
Maybe I'm jst emo or smthn.... I shld prolly jst be thnkfl and not b so pessimistic. But I can't help thinkn abt the time.... so mny ppl r leaving... two mom's r leaving - whatever will I do without them?? - a lot of my friends r leavn.... Kalista. If she leaves..... I dnt evn knw wat that'd be like.... I keep praying that God wld let her stay. But everytime I rmbr Jesus at the Garden.... saying, "But not my will, but yours be done." Is God asking me to let her go? To really lay down everything... to really give up all of my life, all of the things I love... even my best friend? Even someone who makes my day, just seeing her smile triggers a smile.... just being with her, evn if we don't talk is comforting. Not talking to her for a couple of days is so hard.
But not my will, but yours be done God. I give everything. It's all yours. I know you have a greater plan. Your blessings.... are "trials in disguise."
but I knw it won't last.
That's the thing with my life... everytime I'm hvng the bst times in the wrld, i hv that sinking feeling tht it'll be ovr soon..... like standing on a beach... the sun's shining..... the sand's soft.... everything's perfect. but there's that wave in the distance... increasing in size, gaining speed. A tsunami.
I love how my life is right now.... my friends are close, Kalista's so happy again... Grace opens up to me as if I rly am her sister.... Hannah's able to express her real emotions to me.... Nashi and I cn talk in Turkish to each other nd laugh..... I hv awesome mama's.... gettin to knw more abt Saraaaa. Such awesome ppl in my life. My boyfriend makes me feel like i'm the only one he'll evr like.... holds me and nothing matters.
Such blessings in my life. Such happy happy happy chocolates :)
Maybe I'm jst emo or smthn.... I shld prolly jst be thnkfl and not b so pessimistic. But I can't help thinkn abt the time.... so mny ppl r leaving... two mom's r leaving - whatever will I do without them?? - a lot of my friends r leavn.... Kalista. If she leaves..... I dnt evn knw wat that'd be like.... I keep praying that God wld let her stay. But everytime I rmbr Jesus at the Garden.... saying, "But not my will, but yours be done." Is God asking me to let her go? To really lay down everything... to really give up all of my life, all of the things I love... even my best friend? Even someone who makes my day, just seeing her smile triggers a smile.... just being with her, evn if we don't talk is comforting. Not talking to her for a couple of days is so hard.
But not my will, but yours be done God. I give everything. It's all yours. I know you have a greater plan. Your blessings.... are "trials in disguise."
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